So here I am, in my room, eating a snack (corn-flakes) and reading cosmo at quarter to 3 in the morning. I just came back from the club and it was an okay night.
Actually no, let me rephrase that. It was an awful night. After tonight I have basically given up hope in men in the relationship aisle. It might be me but nothing I do seems to be right. One of my friends left the club early and I decided to be a man and grab my balls and go in solo. I approach someone but I get rejected. I just leave right there and then. The thing is, rejection doesn't bode well with me. When I experience rejection, I tend to close up right there. It might be why I have never had a boyfriend or only one girlfriend. This last one was something that I screwed up from the beginning. I don't know why I am digging deep right now. Or never experienced sex. I have high standards for people which sucks. But if someone approaches me and they are not downright ugly, they would be able to get talking. And I guess that is why I never make the first move, the fear of being rejected.
Basically from now on, it's going to be ME only. Concentrating on me being better and not me trying to look good to impress whomever. I see that there were clues today that I was going to be headed down this way. I fell out of my routine. I just hope...actually no more hope. I will stop thinking if there might be someone out there. When the time comes, I don't if I will realize it or not.
But for now, time to put back some walls! I am going to go cry myself to sleep. On second thought, it's not worth it. Back to Cosmo!
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