Lost Soul Swimming in a Fish Bowl

A lost soul trying to find its way through life.

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It's about 4:15 AM now. I am sitting in the library studying. I have been at this school for 3 years now and this is the first time where I have actually spent legit time at the library studying. I thought this exam was going to be easy but apparently not. And I don't how much info is actually going through. I guess I will find out in about 9 hours.


I am so excited to sleep and catch up on the episode of Jersey Shore I missed tonight. That show is hilarious. I don't condone violence but I am sad that they decide to take out the scene where one of the girls gets punched. It shocked me but I couldn't stop replaying that scene.

Christmas is almost here and I am going home in a few days in time for Christmas. That reminds me, still gotta do some shopping.

Inkhate

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Stuff go wrong at no other time it couldn't go wrong. I have an exam in about 9 hours, open book exam, so the best way to be ready is to print whatever you think is necessary as the book doesn't always cover what the prof talks about in class. And me, I don't go to class often. Actually I start out good but by mid semester, I only go to the classes that are mandatory most of the time. So I left work tonight thinking I would print the few slides that I don't have yet at home. Get home and the ink runs out. Now I knew, a few weeks ago, that the printer would run out of ink because around exams time, I print out most of what happened in class during the semester. So I bought an ink cartridge, but I realise tonight it was the wrong one. I will off to the library in a few hours and print them there and return this cartridge. I will pressure my parents to buy it for me at christmas time. But for now I guess I will use the printers at the library. I hope my printing habits in the next few days doesn't go over 20$ (price of the cartridge).

Cold? Really?

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Let me start by telling you a story.


There was once a woman who ruled a kingdom, the Queen. She always got mad at around the same time of the year and punished her citizens.

I am making a comparison to Mother Nature. She had been nice up till now. And all of a sudden, BOOM, we got snow, cold, basically winter is here. That was the surprise I had Thursday. I knew it was going to be cold, but not THAT cold. I hadn't gone outside the house since Monday. And we had a snowstorm tuesday/wednesday.

I am basically hibernating as much as i can. I hate having the wind burning me.

On another note, I found a whole lot of new blogs. True, I haven't been in the blogsphere in a while except to see the updates on the ones I follow. So between exams, I will be discovering new lives.

Had my first final today and it went okay. Remember those days when you knew you actually nailed your exams? Yeah those don't exist anymore for me. I actually dont want to think about it after I am done with them. At least not until when we get our marks back. And bitch, I am starting my finals and people are already done. Where is the justice in that? My last exam is the 22nd and not going home until the 23rd. I feel bad for people who have theirs on the 23rd. Yeah, ladies and gentleman, our university scheduled finals the 23rd at 7 at night.

That is all about the updates i can think off. On another subject, me and the dancer (i think thats what i called him) we talk now and then. But these past few weeks, it has been short. He has been making an effort but I was a bit stressed. So I kind ignored him, well not really but just gave him short responses and cut our convos short.

Again, did I say how flipping cold it is outside but so nice and warm inside?

New Leaf

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I cant believe its been over a month since I updated. Things with the dancer have been constant. What did I call him before? Lets give him a name, Sam. So he comes over occasionally and we talk and whatever. About everything and nothing. I just wish there could some kind of physical connection: a kiss, a hug! Not looking for sex, but some physical action would make everything perfect. It's his birthday today. I have been wondering if I should get him a present. I think I will get him one; its something that I have to do. I don't care what he will think. It won't be anything extravagant.


I almost had sex last week. I had met the guy that night and I walked with him back to his house. He was cute but I wasn't overly attracted to him. It started getting hot but then I made up some dumb excuse and left because my heart wasn't into it. Thinking about it that night, I was analyzing that experience with the relationship I have with Sam. I would rather have a friend that I am connected to then a night of just sex. Maybe that will change if the guy is extremely hot. Will have to try that soon lol.

I feel like I am rambling on. But I like Sam maybe not as crazy as before and don't mind the fact that he keeps me awake at odds time of the night.

How to?

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Things Things are starting to get into routine. I also find my interaction with the boy in the last post dying down. Lets call him Mr.Dancer for further reference. I used to talk to him every day but now this week I have talked to him a total of four times. I don't know how to move things forward or not to lose touch. It's going to take a lot of courage from me to make the first move, but I guess that is what I will have to do.


We are going bowling together, not next weekend but the weekend after. I thought of contacting him this weekend but I didn't want to be that person who is always on your case. I think I was falling for him too fast in the beginning so I try to think about him less. I hate making a move because of the fear of being rejected.

So I ask you guys, well whoever read this, the question, how do you not lose touch and not appear "clingy"? Or how do you make it so they know you are interested in them?

L....

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I met this boy. And he is a cutie. All we have been doing is meeting up and talking. We have talked quite a lot. He poured his whole life story onto me. And me on the other hand, I haven't had a life filled with adventures. I wasn't talking as much but I listened. This has been going almost every night for the past week and a half. Now I am wondering how this is going to work out. I am thinking it's time we did something else and had fun. I am not talking about sex, you dirty minded people :P But I don't know. I am not one to push things in a certain direction. I really like him.

Never Again

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Oh my god. Oh my god. I had a learning life experience. I took a very long shower where I had to scrub myself off repeatedly. I had this smoke odor in my mouth that I couldn't get rid off.


Tonight, I had my first hook-up. Never again. It was the most degrading thing I have ever done. I don't have anything agaisnt people who do that. But for me, never again. I tried and I learned my lesson. I don't regret it but now I know it's not for me. The person I met up wasn't on the same level as me. Not that I felt superior, but you know when people have different lifestyles, that what it was. I always seem to attract people who do drugs, smoke, people I would consider dirty. I don't care if you smoke, but if you do drugs that's where I draw the line. If you did them in the past, it's okay. Just tell me about it and be honest.

Let me tell you though I still got my virginity. You didn't think I would loose it so easily. I would rather go through a sad time then hookups. Now I am on the hunt though for the perfect first boyfriend. Well not perfect but good enough.

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