Lost Soul Swimming in a Fish Bowl

A lost soul trying to find its way through life.

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Ok so this might be a bad idea. But I wanted to write all this stuff down before I forget and then I will get back to studying. So today I watched The Tyra Banks Show. She is like the new Oprah. Don't get me started about how Oprah's show took a turn. Anyway today's show was about these obese children. I mean, over overweight. One of them was like 250 pounds overweight weighing in at just over 400 pounds. This made wonder. Being me, I went upstairs a few hours later and measured my weight. Now this was a scary result. I am dangerously close to the bit 2-0-0, more close than I would like. Been a fat kid, then went to this phase where I was growing and so the weight was becoming more proportionate to my height. But since I started university, the weight has been piling on. I let myself go over 180 during the first year semester of first year. By the end of first year, I hadn't 190 yet. And then last semester I was at an average of 190 with standard deviation of 2-3 pounds (gotta love stats). So for the most part of this year, its been fluctuating but hasn't gone over 193. And then today, BOOM!!! Weight is an issue that I need to resolve and I haven't been happy with my own for a while. Yeah I have hated my own weight for a while but have been working on it. This is just a minor setback. I need to take this 2 exams this week and then back at it.


On another topic, on my way home, someone asked me for the time. And then we started talking about my phone and how he used to have the same one but he broke it. I thought, this guy has courage. I would never be able to just walk up to a stranger and just strike a conversation. First of all, I am pretty sure it would be a creepy thing to do. But the guy wasn't creepy at all. And then we get on the same bus and he starts talking to the bus driver. What about? I don't know. So yeah that made me smile. By the way, he wasn't bad looking, well it's at night and sometime the light can some funny effects.

Now time to go back to studying and to clip my nails. They are ridiculously long. I don't cut them short and I hate when they are too long. And long nails look gross unless you are a girl and you take care of them.

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It has been quite a while. Reading week is coming to an end. And back to the stressful lives we lead. Well at least until this week is over for me. Going back home this week was very relaxing but boring. I loved seeing my family but my day basically started at 2 in the afternoon and it wasn't productive at all. I basically love Lady Gaga. Her tunes are so amazing. I urge you to listen to Love Game. Amazing song. I have a dilemma of either staying in Ottawa this summer or going back home. By the start of summer, I will have no money left so in order to stay here, I gotta find a job fast.

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"You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don't have. Drink 'til sunrise. The work never ends, but college does..."- Tom Petty


I figure there is some truth to that quote. Some of these times will be our best memories. I am happy that I have learned that there could be worse things then getting a C in a course. Back in high school, I would have probably killed myself if I got a mark like that. So basically people, stop stressing yourself out. I cant believe I am the one saying that. And with the kind of workload I have. But yeah it seems for me that the people that stressed out in high school are stressing less in university and the one that did shit all and got in university are stressing more. I dont think we will have as much freedom as we do now unless we plan on living a carefree life. But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't go to class. Find a way to balance it. You need some nights out or some way to get some "ME" time. Or else you will go over the edge. Been there a few times. Get out and work on your social skills ;)

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Hmmm. I dont know how to feel about this. Missed a class and a tutorial this morning where I was supposed to hand in my homework. I have lounging around since noon. Well some festivities are going on over here. One of my roommates turned 19 today. I am actually concerned with the amount of alcohol that he is going to consume tonight. He only drinks like once a month and he has rarely gone out before. So tonight, basically he is going to get shitfaced. On the other hand, I am feeling like having a calm weekend relaxing. The question is, should I venture out this weekend?

You cant have your cake and eat it, too!

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I think this expression is clearer when rephrased as "you cant eat your cake and have it, too". Well if you eat it, it wont be there anymore. You cant possess something after you have used it up. I am a more of "I will eat it the cake later" kind of person. I dont know what I am saving it for. But then after a certain while, it will go bad. So the question is can we have it all?


I guess what I am trying to say is I hate how I put things aside just to save them. We can try to have it all but it will never happen.

Oh and I got 2 books the other day. Havent started reading them yet but will probably do so this weekend in between studying (uggh): Pandora and The Rules of Attraction. I am so disappointed of the number of books that aren't in our school library. Most of the books I searched weren't there, I guess the library is mostly for research kind of stuff.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

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I immersed myself into the world of poetry today. Guess which one I remembered first? It was 'Nothing Gold Can Stay' by Robert Frost. One of the very first poems I read a while ago. Its the one that I remember by heart, well for the most part. I wouldn't have discovered the wonderful world of poetry if it wasn't for English class. I guess it was good for something after all, even with all the pain it brought.


Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leafs a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Johnny in The Outsiders got it right. We shouldn't take things for granted, we need to continue to look at the world as if it is brand new to appreciate it. Change is inevitable. Basically the golden moments in our lives may remain in our hearts forever but that is the only place. I love how Robert Frost relates this to nature and at the same time to the trials of life, like youth. I remember writing a poem so I am going to try and find it when I go back home.

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I was a bit bored today and I found myself procrastinating and trying to find something to do. What else is new?!


I realized that I havent read a book in quite a while. I feel like my brain is missing some of its nutrients. I used to reach so much and I just wonder what happened. Books are a gateway to another world. You get yourself lost in the story. 

My goal this week other the usual boring school stuff is to find a good book to read. It usually makes feel better. I really find it hard to dedicate time to something unless you are going to enjoy it.

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