Lost Soul Swimming in a Fish Bowl

A lost soul trying to find its way through life.

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Okay first things first!


My skin started peeling a few days after the manicure. And then as I was cutting some of it off, it started bleeding. I am going to take this as a sign that manicures arent for me. 

I just got back from a night out celebrating someone's birthday. Well it was a good night overall, dressed quite a bit. Loved it. Now I need to get some sleep and get ready for round 2. 

Nothing new

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Another post at 2 in the morning. I need to break this habit. I went and got a manicure today; I wanted to get one for a long time just to see what it was all about. Glad that it is over with. It was nothing too exciting. 


I hate that I am getting sick. When I get sick, I shut down. I dont have the energy to do anything at all; it just affects so badly. I just hope it goes away soon. Basically spring needs to come so I can enjoy the weather outside. And I have been feeling a bit down lately. My whole cycle of happiness/depression revolves around something exciting or to look forward to. As nothing have been happening in the past few weeks, its been meh. But now got something to look forward to and then midterms start next week which is going to bring a few weeks from hell. 

Discovering your heart.

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So it is 2 in the morning and I have to wake up in a few hours, no biggie! I was thinking how hard it is for me to open up or it was. Well still is in some sense. I have always been a reserved person. I think that goes a few years. Well have only told one person about this. I had this friend in high school and we were good friends. Mind you most of my high school friends we werent really close. So yeah this guy, we were good friends. Other people thought he was a jerk, well he was a jerk to most of the girls. But I think the reason he was very friendly with me was because I helped with him with his homework alot and sometimes did some of his. Homework back then was nothing. But the thing is I had a crush on him. So then from grade 10, I think it was then, I started taking some distance from him. That is because I knew I would end up blurting something out and would end being hurt somehow. He thought I was mad at him because I wasnt talking to him as much and was treating him like the other boys. But the fact is me taking a distance from our friendship hurt me in other ways. I was always wondering what would happen if I told him how I felt. That's typical me: always analysing situations and the different outcomes. To this day, I still havent told him. He remains my very first crush and holds a special place. But back again to the point of this story, I just started letting people in to get to know me in grade 12 and it was only 2 people. I guess I am always afraid of getting hurt if i let people too close. But now it is getting better!


The other thing I wanted to say, is I am still discovering myself. And I am sure since we are always every changing, you are learning about yourself every single day. 

By the way, got a new hair cut and excited for this weekend and might drop a class.

I will be there for you

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That, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour. 
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before. 
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too. 

No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me. 
Seems like you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me. 
Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with, 
Someone I'll always laugh with, even at my worst, I'm best with you. 

So here I am sitting in my friend's living room. I am realizing that every person in your life adds to who you are. Which is why sometimes you need a small close circle of different friends. And I love those who have been there for me; I just hope they know that I will be there for them which is why I am trying to be kept update on the lives of those that I dont see often. 

Now onto a deeper level, what is friendship? I feel the term friend is used very loosely describing acquaintance all the way to best friends. Well thats how most people use it. If they stopped and thought if so and so is really a friend, they might rethink it. Friendship is not always about being nice. A friend will tell you when he or she thinks you're full of shit, but always casts it that way, never as statement of fact.  When you act silly with friends around they also come and join you and get the enjoyment that you are getting. But some friendships do die down, no matter how hard you try to prevent it. I miss some of my old friends from high school even though most of them there was never a real connection. And I cherish my friends now.

Ok well enough said. Now to get ready to eat and go out.

I wanna dance!!!

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- Loving life at the moment

- There is only one thing missing

Oh I wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel the heat with somebody
Yeah I wanna dance with somebody
With somebody who loves me
Oh I wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel the heat with somebody
Yeah I wanna dance with somebody
With somebody who loves me

Anybody interested??

Yo-yo

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Now I'm speechless,

over the egde just

Breathless,

I never thought

That I'd catch

This love bug again

Hopeless,

Head over heels,

In the moment,

I'd never thought

That I'd get hit by

This love bug again



My feelings are like a yo-yo; i feel so depressed for a while and then happy, very happy. Needless to say something happened in the past week. I had quite an experience. Went to a club, danced a bit. And then danced with this one person, let me tell you, he could work it. He could work it like no one ever did. I was put to shame. And people know how I am not a bad dancer! I was basically having the time of my life. He was being all sensual and feeling my hair and whatnot. So we danced for about 4 songs. And then there was a kiss at the end. It was a quick one. But that didnt draw from its power. It was nothing like I have ever felt before. I was weak in the knees and my heart was beating so incredibly fast. 

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone,
an hour to like someone, and an day to love someone...
but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. 

I believe it was a crush but the feelings were so strong. I guess it is because it was a first time thing. Didnt see him for the rest of night. I guess the kiss wasnt long enough. Other people were like making hardcore on the dance floor.That made me so happy just gave me a bit of energy for school.

It is another different world which i have entered. Have to get used to it but liking it. And hello brookey!

A New Start

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Ring them bells, ring them loud
Let them ring here and now
Just reach out and ring the bells of freedom
When your world's crashing down like you've lost every round
Stand your ground
And ring the bells of freedom

I have been wanting to write a blog for quite a while and it finally happened. I have so much to say yet so little time.

It is a new year and it is off to a great start, well most of it. Back to school, I always feel like the second semester is the worst one of the year. I think its because the first semester drains a lot of energy and you do a lot to make sure your grades are high. By the time the second semester rolls around, you are so tired of school and I think the Christmas break is not long enough to get juiced up for the second semester.

I am always more comfortable at writing things out then discussing them as my feelings. So this will contain things that I dont usually talk about.

Until next time!

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